When I posted a brief excuse to the lowercase esports podcast feed earlier in March, I was confident that I just needed a little bit of time to get my mind over a few things, and that normal programming would resume on the following Tuesday.

When that day came to pass, I decided to push resuming production back to April. I never fully explained why I punted production in that small audio post, but I feel as if I’m stuck in a mental rut and won’t be able to move along until I clear my mind. I have so much on my mind and no one to share it with.

And so, here goes nothing. No promises I’ll be able to communicate everything in my head, but I’ll try.

• I’ve said time and time again that lowercase esports and its related podcast doesn’t need thousands of subscribers or millions of impressions to help me feel as if I’m not wasting my time. The lack of momentum is beginning to appeal to the pragmatic side of my mind, and I’m beginning to believe that perhaps the effort I’m putting into the podcast isn’t worth the return, though, when I consider what the return was supposed to be — which was nothing, of course—I realized that I shouldn’t be upset that the result is exactly what my goal was. While I intend to continue the podcast into the future, I’m going to keep it on the stress-less side and potentially decrease ongoing production of the podcast.
• My mother was remarried yesterday. I walked her down the aisle and gave her away to her new husband. I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck. I wasn’t. Well, not entirely for that reason, anyway. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t screw up escorting my mother. Instead, I was reminded of how much I look like my father at every guests’ earliest convenience. If I was upset at any of the day’s events, it was that. The day wasn’t about him, but I’d be lying if I told you he wasn’t on my mind.
• My go-to game as of late has been Squad, though there are some other games that are competing for my time, and one of them is Fire Emblem Heroes. Throw away the storytelling attempt immediately, because this game is about min-maxing a four-character team for a considerable number of challenges and passively-online showdowns. Characters included in the game come from all corners of various Fire Emblem universes and modernized portraits of classic characters are absolutely well done. My greatest accomplishment with the game is the constant victory of being able to prove the existence of my self-control by not purchasing orbs.
• I’m starting to believe I am or I was or I had been or I might be borderline depressed. Well, not really, but hey, I’m just trying to joke around, like I did on my most recent Facebook post. You know. Compensating. My aunt asked me about it before my mother’s wedding rehearsal this past Saturday, and I told her, “25/75.” When asked to explain my answer, I clarified, “25 percent actually, 75 percent stress… and this.” While the source of the second number might change, I know it’s not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. So… I think I’m fine, but who’s perfect?
• I’d like to return to Atlanta to be a part of the audience at ELEAGUE for their SFV Invitational at some point during its run over the next handful of weeks. The production has been excellent so far, and I would imagine that many in the FGC — especially those in the Street Fighter V scene — should be taking notes and considering upping their production game to maintain the audience hype that ELEAGUE is going to be building over the next few weeks.
• Destiny 2 has been announced and it’s confirmed that the 8 September release will include a PC port. Whether it’s going to be released via Steam or the Windows Play Anywhere scheme, I think I’m going to stick with it this time around. While I’m considering playing on my PC, I’ve decided to restart my attempts to explore the Xbox One side of the current game. Right now, I’m still working through the story arc from the near-beginning (for some reason, I had a copy of the original game’s story quest when I returned to it this week).
• Speaking of Xbox One, the latest UI update is incredibly slick. You should take a look at it. I miss being able to snap a Twitch feed, though.