I can’t remember the last that I sat down and attempted to put any real thought to paper, so to speak, regarding my current situation or my general state of existence in awhile aside from what I end up cryptically tweeting about, so I’m going to give that a shot with this post. I’ll try to write out as much as comes immediately to mind as I can.
- This blog, bcarr.me
As far as this blog and what I’m working on here, I definitely realize I’ve slacked off on writing posts and keeping active like I had been originally. I feel like I should be writing a lot more but I think that since I started the podcast, however, I think that penning the thoughts that I share in any given episode of the podcast to a post in the blog would be redundant, all things considered.
Fiction writing, incoming
However, I do have some ideas for longer form writing based on the kick of fiction writing that I see in my Twitter timeline and Medium feed lately. I’m going to add some fiction writing into the mix in the form of a project I’m calling Project Atlas. The concept is instead of taking established characters and crossing them up or summarizing their stories, I’ll attempt to explain the history and importance of a key location from a classic gaming story. My first write up will feature an important location from Front Mission, Huffman Island.
Podcast production status
I released the twenty-third episode of the lowercase esports podcast on Saturday and I think that I’ve finally established a decent production schedule and habit to keep on making episodes. They’re not really being downloaded a lot, but I can say we’re in double digits for users subscribed to the feed using the direct download options (RSS and iTunes). While I haven’t really felt comfortable having guests on the show yet and the extended editions aren’t exactly working out as well when I try to plan them, I’m still enjoying producing the show with a ten-to-fifteen minute episode goals for one topic. I will begin enriching the podcast episode notes to include more information about the source of content mentioned in the show.
Realistic expectations for myself
I don’t want to admit that I’m old compared to a lot of folks that I run into playing the types of games that I do, but I think I am. I don’t have the physical ability to maintain a short sleep schedule so I can play games until two-o’clock in the morning to keep up with the West Coast friends of mine. I’m certainly not any better than “marginally above average” when it comes to skill at most games. This is most apparent in my current CSGO skill grouping, at Gold Nova Master, just on the declining side of the bell curve of skill.
Not to be too melodramatic about my own mental health, but I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been experiencing a bit of uselessness combined with worthlessness when it comes to self-evalutation. You don’t have to tell me that it’s wrong to think that way, but when I make the clumsy mistake going about everyday tasks, I definitely question my own ability as a human being. Fair to say that I’m working through it, and it’s not as if I’m helpless–it’s just a phase. I’ll get over it, but it’s just one of those things that I thought I’d throw out there.
So, that’s an update on everything that I can think of. I’m still working out the best way to record and/or stream a few PS/PS2 RPGs that I’d like to give a full playthrough to, but that will certainly happen at the cost of CSGO/regular gaming time.